Mr. Pink Gets a New Job

Mr. Pink Gets a New Job is the sixth Picture Book found in Puppeteer. It details the life of Mr. Pink and how he found a new purpose.

Acquisition

 * Complete Act 6.

Story
Galahagrid Mulberry Timesawestin, eminent scholar of all things clockological, was out of a job. The Land of Time's massive clock, which was supposed to tick its tock for all eternity, had zonked out after just an eon. The sticky wicket was finding a replacement clock hand. Something that mystastical would never turn up.

Galahagrid, better known as Mr. Pink, flew home to his wife and child in low spirits. "Get another job, you lout!" the missus shouted supportively. "Junior needs shoes!" Poor Mr. Pink had no time to mourn the loss of his beloved clock. No—starting tomorrow, every waking hour would belong to the Great Job Hunt.

Well, more like Great Sodding Mess, as it turned out. Without the almighty clock to guide them, the Land of Time's populace had gone bonkers. Everyone was either working himself silly, or sitting on his duff drinking tea. Poor Mr. Pink got yelled at for bustling too slow and relaxing too fast. There was just no place for steady, meticulous work. He got sacked his first day on the job.

Back at home, Mr. Pink discovered his wife could turn new, frightening shades of red, and his son shrieked out a melody of death. Perhaps he would need to look into a longer commute.

What with the price of fuel, he decided to haul it to the coast on foot. He was hoping to find work on the docks, but quickly discovered he wasn't up to the heavy lifting. Fortunately, the port was raided by the most aggressive of employers—pirates. Our intrepid bird inquired about any openings. And make no mistake, he looked sharp in his new job as the captain's sword. He was ready to bring home some serious bacon. Well, that outlook changed when he saw what he was up against. The other guys had steel swords! He'd heard of swashbuckling, but nobody mentioned he would be doing all the buckling.

Home Mr. Pink went, and his wife had kittens. Well, more like a baby. While he was gone, the number of mouths to feed had gone up thirty-three percent. Mr. Pink crossed MAINTAIN DIGNITY off his list of objectives. And actually, his new cotton candy stick gig didn't turn out to be so bad. No heavy lifting—all he had to do was hold himself straight. Sure, he was diabetic, his nose tickled, and he had to take a licking. But he could deal with it. Sadly, they trashed him the moment he got too fat. Poor, poor Mr. Pink.

Home sweet home. Had someone stapled his wife's eyebrows into that position? Do children always sound this mean when they laugh? ...Did he even have this many children? Mr. Pink's mind swam with troubling questions as he sought work overseas. One village was hiring wrestlers. After being hired for his sheer audacity, Mr. Pink stood in the ring.

...He walked away with not even enough fight money to pay his hospital bills. They'd pitted him against the champ just for shock appeal.

After a painful stretch of rehabilitation, Mr. Pink returned home to find the place deserted. How cruel fate was! He longed to see his true love again... And so he climbed the clock tower. A lifetime of clockological study had been poured into this timepiece—Mr. Pink's blood, sweat, and tears. Why did some higher power have to mess everything up? It just wasn't fair.

Then, out of nowhere, a rogue gust of wind snatched him off the tower. He watched the ground vanish beneath him. There was no fighting it. His wings were still recovering, and his heart was beyond recovery. Smack! Mr. Pink crashed into his beloved clock face. For better or for worse, fate had intervened. But his poor, birdy body felt as though it might never move again.

"Enough," he whimpered.

"Mr. Pink, you mustn't torment yourself." It was the Moon Goddess, speaking directly to him.

"I don't mean to question you, milady, but... why exactly not?"

"Make no mistake," said the Goddess. "You are jobless, friendless, and your family has rejected you. You are hopelessly inflexible when it comes to rules. You have flabby muscles. Your combat ability is laughable, you have zero stage presence, and you can't even relax on a professional level.

"You are a borderline obsessive clockologist who is self-disciplined to a fault. All you know how to do is stand up straight. For most intents and purposes, you are utterly useless." Mr. Pink blinked back tears as the Goddess continued. "But try to look on the bright side."

"Was there a bright side in all that?"

"You still don't see the world has a perfect job for you?"

"What job is that?" Mr. Pink replied.

"A clock hand."

At long last, Mr. Pink—Goddess bless him—had found his true calling.

Characters

 * Captain Gaff
 * General Bull
 * General Pig
 * General Sheep
 * Moon Goddess
 * Mr. Pink

Locations

 * Land of Time
 * Moon Clock
 * Loco Caliente
 * Moonshine Sea
 * Jolly Lambham