The Buxom Stops Here

The Buxom Stops Here is the third Picture Book found in Puppeteer. It details the life of Captain Gaff and the origin of his curse.

Acquisition

 * Complete Act 3.

Story
Meet Captain Gaff, the finest pirate the Moon has ever seen. Rakishly he roved the turbulent seas, swashing more buckles and giving less quarter, running more rigs and plundering more coin than any other freebooter before him. Gaff was a legend. He loved battle. He loved treasure. He loved carousing with his mateys. But more than anything, he loved buxom beauties.

Every woman had a place in his heart, so long as she possessed the right visual appeal. Be they domesticated or sophisticated, sheltered or seasoned, royal or wenchly, conjugal or chaste—Gaff lusted after every pretty face on and off the open sea. If plying them with the usual flowers and love letters didn't work, what lovely lady could resist the romance of a good kidnapping?

The captain's hideaway, Crab Claw Cove, was bursting at the seams with buxom booty. You see? This was what life was all about—a whole bouquet of pretty flowers to pluck and fresh young vixens to gently caress.

To Captain Gaff, the beginning and end of a woman's worth was something to be cupped in both hands. Beauty. They had to be beautiful. No pirate wanted a bouquet of withered flowers. And the sad truth was—even the freshest vixens had an expiration date.

All the Moon knew of the stain this sea-dog was leaving on the realm. Women lived in fear of being beautiful—or worse, un-beautiful. Men with attractive wives wanted to kill Gaff. And the other men hated that they couldn't be him. They mobilized militias, assembled vast armadas. But the legendary pirate took this as a challenge. After making off with their women and treasure anyway, he put the rest to the torch.

Finally, Gaff's victims turned to the Moon Goddess. "Help us!" cried lovelies he had yet to lay hands on. "Stop him!" shrieked the concubines he had cast aside.

The Goddess decided to cast a spell on Gaff to punish him. "You must atone for your crimes," she said, as ten-thousand volts of magical justice coursed through the captain's depraved body.

He awoke back in Crab Claw Cove. Fraught with concern, his beloved bevy of buxom beauties barreled toward him. But... Gaff's eye saw only hideous monsters.

"Arrr!" cried Gaff, tragically, as he swung his sword. And then they were gone. All the beauty he had amassed—a lifetime of trophies—destroyed by his hand.

"Sink me sideways, Captain!" Gaff's loyal crew had heard the commotion. His... crew? No. Even his mateys had transformed before his eyes.

The captain had been doomed to view every other living soul as an abomination. And so he lost the friends he had spent more than half his life with. All he had now were his island, his treasure, and his pirate ship—little consolation without buxom beauties to hang the jewels on and a crew to man the deck. His days of carousing were over.

"Arrr! The world be a worthless, empty place! All be darkness!"

Captain Gaff, pirate legend, was alone. And he would stay that way until his sins were forgiven.

Characters

 * Captain Gaff
 * Moon Goddess

Locations

 * Moonshine Sea
 * Crab Claw Cove
 * Jolly Lambham